lonely...

Lately I've been feeling pretty down again. Life is going alright and I know I've come a long way since January but I still struggle day to day. This battle is a marathon, not a sprint. As the picture above says, I do feel bad admitting that I feel very alone. I feel like it's a rude thing to say considering I have quite a few people who have been there for me every step of the way. Reality is though, I do feel lonely. 

It's not that I miss the intimacy of a relationship, but I miss having that best friend... that go-to person. I don't really feel like I have that. I feel like my friends and my life is outgrowing me. Everyone is in a relationship or having kids. It seems that all my friends and family have someone else in their life that fills that role of a best friend. Everyone is so busy with life that not too many people slow down to acknowledge others. I feel like I'm typically the person to text someone first or to invite someone to hang out. People say they want to get together and then they say, I'll let you know what my schedule looks like. I get it, I really do. If you say that, my only request is that you actually follow through. Most of the time, I do remember these things and I do notice when people don't follow through. That makes me feel like people don't really care. 

I know I probably am over-analyzing things and I need to acknowledge that just because I have a lot of spare time, doesn't necessarily mean others do. I just wish people would surprise me, check up on me occasionally. Even if it is just a text, it lets people know that you're thinking of them and it makes them feel special, like they truly matter. At least that's how I feel. Just know that by saying you'll be there doesn't mean much if you don't back it up. Actions speak louder than words, so prove it... be there.

To the few of you that have been there for me through everything and make an effort to see how I am, I really appreciate it. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me.