Sunday, April 25, 2010

Life's All About Our Relationships...

It's been a while since I last wrote... I apologize for those who were watching for something new. Life has been kind of crazy the past month. Definitely had it's fair share of ups and downs but I feel good about everything. I feel I've come out ahead. It's funny how when somethings don't work, another door seems to open. A door you may have never really thought much of in the past. I think that the feeling that I will stumble across something good keeps my spirits up and my heart open for whatever is thrown my way. I hope that I never lose this. I have also come to the realization that I need to be earned... won over. I put too much effort into relationships where I don't get much effort back. This I am done with. I will try but if I don't see much response... then I'm moving on. It's their loss for not trying and I'm better off without the dead weight. If that sounds negative I'm sorry... but I'm done wasting my efforts on someone who doesn't deserve them. In doing so, I've felt a feeling of empowerment and freedom. Nobody is dictating my happiness but myself. I'm in control of my emotions and those who deserve my friendship and my love will be worthy of it.



As most of you probably know... we had a scare with my Grandma Joanne this past week or so. It was an emotional rollercoaster where I found myself questioning things with God. I didn't understand why we weren't getting any answers from the doctors and why she wasn't getting any better. She is my only grandparent I have left and I wasn't going to accept anything but the best outcome for her. Last Saturday, April 17th, she had a rough night. I woke up and heard about it and decided despite my being sick, I needed to at least go down to the hospital. As I was getting showered I broke down and started crying. I was questioning God... yelling at Him... telling Him that I need her here.
She means the world to me. I got to see her that Saturday. In the family waiting room. The nurse let her come out there to see me since I wasn't coughing or running a fever. I was so glad to see her. She looked good. I felt better at this point. She was released Monday with a clean bill of health, at least for her heart & lungs. The whole family so relieved at this point. Thought it was all going to be uphill from there. She ended up going back to the ER twice last week... both Wednesday & Thursday. Wednesday night in the ER at McKenzie-Willamette I went back to see her. My uncle was back there and then he went back out to the waiting room. It was just Grandma and I. She was tired and falling asleep. She was holding my hand and rubbing it like she always does. I got a little choked up as she was falling asleep that night. I closed my eyes, held tight on her hand and prayed. Prayed for answers, prayed for healing. She's doing better now. She came to Adam's surprise birthday party last night and looked great. What a relief. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with such a beautiful, strong, inspiring Grandmother. She'll never know how much she means to me and how much I love her. I can only hope that I can express it to her and I'm going to really try.


Despite all the craziness, some good came out of all the hospital visits. I got to see extended family from Idaho and up North one day. We literally had 18 people in that family waiting room at one time visiting Grandma. It also allowed us to spend some time with more immediate, local family that we don't see as often as we should. I've grown a lot closer to Megan (my cousin Bryce's wife) which I'm extremely excited about. I need more girlfriends and she's such a wonderful person. I'm so excited to have gotten to see her a lot this past week as we all anxiously await Channing's arrival! She's due May 2nd but it could really be any day now... I'm feeling Tuesday, April 27th! I got to see and feel him move which is something so miraculous. I can't wait to meet him and say hello to a new generation of our family.


Thursday night my sister and my mom planned a surprise birthday party for me. I thought I was going to a stand-up comedy show with my mom. I walked in and looked at my mom, asking her if she was sure it was here. Then I saw Krista & Andrea. Two of my girlfriends that know each other but don't hang out... then Geoff. Then the rest of the tables! I was shocked! I really had no idea. I have never had a surprise birthday party so thank you to everyone who came. You all made it a really special night. A wonderful night filled with great friends, family, drinks and even a little karaoke! Unforgettable to say the least.


As for everything else... I'm going to Spokane this upcoming weekend for my birthday. Going to see a friend I haven't seen in a while! I'm very excited... anxious to see how things go. This week can't go by fast enough! I'm excited for this next year of my life. I just need my body to heel up (some angry back muscles & a stress fractured foot) so that I don't feel so old! I have a feeling that 26 is going to be a good year for me. I know I have great friendships and I plan on making many memories with all of you! After all... isn't that what life is all about?