friendship

Friendships. They are fun. They can be ever so testing. Sometimes the bonds are broken and sometimes they are fixed. At times, you outgrow them. At times, maybe they outgrow you. It's not always easy, friendships can be tough. You invest in them emotionally and show vulnerability. There's always a risk that trust could be broken.

Over my many, 30 years of living... I've had my fair share of friendships. Few have lasted through it all. It's sad to think about the friendships that have come and gone but I'm thankful for what each has taught me. I think as long as you grow from each relationship, each friendship, then you aren't losing everything. It's not easy losing friends but there are also times where it becomes too easy. Distance has played a part in my friendships. I know now who my true friends are and I love them all dearly. I know that I will have them for the rest of my life. They've stuck by my side through thick and thin, through some of my really horrible, rock bottom times. They've all helped shape who I've become today.

For my 30th birthday, my sister had the idea to have people write down on index cards, why they love me. It was such a neat idea and whenever I feel alone, I can look at those cards and know that I'm not. I'm surrounded by people who know me and love me for who I am, good and bad. Most of my closest friends don't live anywhere near me. Since moving to Washington, I made the decision to leave behind a handful of very important people. Even though there's this distance between us, I know that nothing has changed. Sure, we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like but it doesn't change our friendship. We still make the time to catch up and make sure all is well with each other.

I think we grow the most from the time we graduate high school until we're about 23 or so. Don't get me wrong, I know we continue to grow throughout life, but I think that's the most noticeable time. We make a lot of choices at that age. You get to choose our lifestyle now that you're out on your own. You make decisions that can affect the rest of your life. You have relationships that thrive and relationships that fail. You learn so much from your mistakes and given none of us are perfect, we learn on a daily basis. I know I sure do.

Friendships can stray and get lost amongst the busy lifestyle we live. We must slow down and make the time for those who are most important to us because you never know when your last chance with them could be. Don't take friendships for granted. I've done so and I've lost incredible friends because of it. I got too comfortable, I was self-centered. I've tried my best to mend those friendships but they're never quite the same.

So make sure you're taking the time out of your busy life to remind those you love that they are important to you. Even if it's just a quick hello, it could brighten their day just to hear from you. Keep that communication open so if you do have problems, or a rough patch, you can work through it together.

beaching & BBQing

Woke up this morning and my roommate, Paityn, colored my hair for me. I love it. It's much darker than it was, which I really like. I'm excited for Sean to see it since his opinion of what to do with my hair was to go darker. He's just scared I'm going to cut it now. I keep reassuring him that I'm growing it out, that I want it long. I just wish it would grow faster!

Went to Titlow Beach today with Erin. Yes... that is really the name of the beach. Go ahead and laugh cause I sure did. It was nice to catch up with her. We hadn't hung out just the two of us in a long time so we were a little out of date with each others life's. It was a nice beach area although we didn't think to time the tide. We ended up going down there as the tide came in, which left little room of beach. We sat on the rocks and then eventually moved up to lay on the grass. It was a beautiful day so it was really nice.

After the beach, I took Erin home and came home to relax. I watched some of Orange is the New Black on Netflix until Erin and Kelly came over. I BBQ'd up some burgers and we hung out and watched some TV. They didn't stay too long, I'm guessing because it's a school night.

Now I'm just sitting here, pondering over what could be interesting to blog about tonight. I wish I could be like Carrie on Sex and the City or Dan, who's blog is Single Dad Laughing. I would even take being like Jenna on Awkward. I just like to write. I'm not even sure if anyone really reads these blogs anyway but I like documenting what is going on in my life. I will have it forever. Some day I'll be able to share with my children what I went through in my late 20's, early 30's.

Gosh, I'm 30. It has started to really sink in. For a while there it didn't really feel like I was actually 30. I felt like I should be 27ish. Now I feel good about being 30. Turning 30 for me was like turning over a new leaf. I was leaving my 20's behind me, gladly, and moving forward as a more confident, successful, happy me. I feel like things in my life are finally coming together rather than falling apart. It's a good feeling, although I know that I am a little scared of becoming too happy. I think it's because I don't want to set myself up on some high cloud and get knocked off. Does that make any sense? Who knows.

Well I suppose I should probably get some sleep. School is going to come bright and early tomorrow and my body isn't quite used to these 11 hour days yet again. Goodnight!

first day back

Today was my first day back to school and it went pretty darn good, although my feet are killing me! I had a handful of people ask me why I was on a Leave of Absence and I questioned whether or not to tell people why I was gone. I am not ashamed of the fact that I deal with anxiety, so I was honest. Everyone seemed to understand and didn't ask much more. Just wanted to make sure I was doing okay now and that they were happy to see me back. I even got a couple hugs from some of my favorite educators, which made me feel really good inside.

I wasn't sure how today was going to go. I knew the first half of the day was classroom time, so I didn't have much to worry about. The second half of the day, out on the floor, I kind of felt like a first timer again. I think the front desk had me marked as being gone this afternoon so I didn't get any guests, which I was okay with today. It gave me time to get my feet back into the swing of things and also time to do some mannequin work.

Miss Hailey was so excited to see me when I got home tonight. She was running around like a crazy dog on crack. It was really cute actually. I love when I come home and she's that excited and happy. Can't help but brighten your day. I think she got used to my schedule of being on LOA also. She got spoiled by a stay at home mommy for five weeks. She's so flexible though and adapts so well to change, so I don't worry about her transitioning back into my school schedule with me. She's my little trooper.

When I got home from school I made dinner for Sean and I. I didn't get home until about 7:30 so I told him on my school nights, it's either we eat out or we eat something very easy to make. Beginning to make dinner at 7:30-7:45 is tough. All I really want to do when I get home is kick back and relax but I got to eat something!

Well, it's getting late and tomorrow I have a couple things to do. One of which is coloring my hair! Can't wait to see how it turns out. Don't worry, I will share some photos when it's finished, in case you were worried! Goodnight blogger world.