It has been almost a year since I was in the hospital! Time to celebrate right?! Actually I have so much to celebrate right now. I feel like I'm finally becoming the independent woman I was born to be. I am doing my own thing and following my dreams.
I decided to go to school instead of keeping the job at the elementary school. I have always wanted to go to cosmetology school and now I'm actually doing it. It's such a good feeling to finally commit to doing what I've wanted to do for years. The timing just never seemed right before. I went in for a tour of the campus on a Friday afternoon and left the school as a student that begun school the following Tuesday! It was a decision I made completely on my own, which honestly was the biggest decision I've made without running it past my parents. It felt good to make the phone call and tell my Mom and Dad that I had signed up! I was so excited to start and meet new friends too! Turns out my parents were very happy for me and so incredibly supportive. Meant the world to me. :)
School started on Tuesday, October 15th. I'm just finishing up week five and it's gone by so quickly. I go to class Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday from 8am until 7pm. It keeps me very busy. I've met some awesome people though! I think we got very lucky in our class. The group of girls are pretty great! I've become pretty darn good friends with a couple girls. Erin is the one I've spent the most time with. We go to lunch everyday together, which is so much fun. We typically laugh our butts off at the most random things. We talk about absolutely anything and everything, nothing is off limits. She's exactly what I was hoping to find at school. Someone who I see becoming one of my best friends. Yay!
Outside of school, things have been going pretty good. I've been dating, which is interesting. Honestly, I really don't like dating. I think it's pretty silly the games people play and the ways you're 'supposed' to act to keep the other person interested. Why can't we just be ourselves and have that work? I guess with the right person, that will be all I need to do. At least that is what I keep telling myself. Then you get stuck in that in-between stage of dating and being in a relationship. When do you have that relationship defining talk? How do you know when the timing is right? I thought I'd know but I've been wrong and that is definitely not fun. It's kind of humiliating actually. Oh the things we go through to find 'the one'.
That sums up the big points in my life right now. I'll keep ya updated with anything new! Hope everyone is doing well!
Friday, November 15, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
a giant leap forward
I'm not going to go through and relive my past to bring you all up to the current. It's the past and it's in the past. It isn't a past I really want to go back and document all the steps taken since the last post. However, I will say, I have taken a giant leap forward since my last post. I am incredibly proud of myself and thankful for all those who've stood by my side through thick and thin.
Right now, I am living with my sister and brother-in-law in Port Orchard, Washington. It's been incredibly exciting and a huge blessing that they opened up their doors for me and allowed me to live here while in between places. Hannah is 21 weeks along in her pregnancy now and we just found out it's a little girl. She's healthy, active and growing perfectly! What more could you ask for? I can't wait come January to be able to hold my niece in my hands for the first time. I think I may cry out of pure happiness and awe.
Washington has been treating me pretty good. I really love the area, being surrounded by mountain ranges and tons of water, it is absolutely breathtaking. After 5 1/2 months of brutally trying, I finally got a job! I think that this opportunity will be well worth the wait too. It's an Americorp position with Washington Reading Corps at Belfair Elementary School. I will be doing all sorts of different things from tutoring to leadership type projects. I couldn't be more excited. A HUGE thanks to my friend Heather who recommended me for the position. I can't thank you enough!!!
I feel like life is aligning for me. It's a wonderful feeling. I think that with this job and getting a new place of my own... I'm only going to continue to get stronger and healthier. I am amazed when I look at where I was just over a year ago and think that my life could have ended then. I'm really thankful it didn't and that I'm here today to experience everything that life has to offer me. Here's to the future! :)
Right now, I am living with my sister and brother-in-law in Port Orchard, Washington. It's been incredibly exciting and a huge blessing that they opened up their doors for me and allowed me to live here while in between places. Hannah is 21 weeks along in her pregnancy now and we just found out it's a little girl. She's healthy, active and growing perfectly! What more could you ask for? I can't wait come January to be able to hold my niece in my hands for the first time. I think I may cry out of pure happiness and awe.
Washington has been treating me pretty good. I really love the area, being surrounded by mountain ranges and tons of water, it is absolutely breathtaking. After 5 1/2 months of brutally trying, I finally got a job! I think that this opportunity will be well worth the wait too. It's an Americorp position with Washington Reading Corps at Belfair Elementary School. I will be doing all sorts of different things from tutoring to leadership type projects. I couldn't be more excited. A HUGE thanks to my friend Heather who recommended me for the position. I can't thank you enough!!!
I feel like life is aligning for me. It's a wonderful feeling. I think that with this job and getting a new place of my own... I'm only going to continue to get stronger and healthier. I am amazed when I look at where I was just over a year ago and think that my life could have ended then. I'm really thankful it didn't and that I'm here today to experience everything that life has to offer me. Here's to the future! :)
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The Ongoing Battle...
It has been a long while since I've posted... and there's a bit to catch up on. I will try my best to sum it up in a shorter amount of details but if you want to know more, I'm very open and willing to answer any questions.
Well I was having a rough day, thankfully we were off to see Cara, my Dr. that handles my meds. After talking with her, we decided that the best idea for me, would be to head down to the University District ER to be mentally evaluated. They decided to admit me back into the Johnson Unit, I believe is was December 18th, 2012. I was in the JU this time around until January 8, 2013.
While being in the hospital, I was undergoing ECT treatments on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays each week. I was being transferred by ambulance from the UD to the RiverBend SPA. I would get to my room and the nurse would come to set up my IV. Then Dr. Velez would come in and ask us a series of questions and then take me back to the Endo Room where they do the ECT.
Once I'm back there I get this spiffy headband put on, that has some lube on the plates, where they touch my head... kind of by my temples. The Anesthiologist sets a mask over my face and has me take deep breaths of oxygen, in and out. Then they put something through the IV, the first one burns a bit. The second one they put in is the good stuff that will knock me out. I like this feeling. It sounds like a tunnel, like all the sounds from our room are just zoning in towards my ears, then I'm out cold.
I wake up in recovery and it isn't too much longer until they take me back out in to a room. I get a room that has a recliner chair in it. they bring a few warm blankets and also something to drink and snack on. Once all that is good to go, time for me to leave! The paramedics would show back up and I would climb over onto the stretcher and we were off. Loaded me up in the ambulance, headed back to UD.
That would happen M,W,F each week... it was a lot and it was exhausting. I did manage to lose a bit of memory which always kind of stinks.
Once I returned home it was some relief and some nervousness. I don't want to add pressure to my parents by making them feel like they have to be my nurses. It's really hard knowing that you're the one causing all this extra stress and anxiety to your family, but then there isn't really anything I can do to make it better that quickly.
Now I have finished my first Maintenance ECT, the next will be three weeks out, so Feb 18th. I am really afraid that these are being spread too thin for me right now. I just don't feel like I'm were I should be or could be. I know everyone has down days, but right now my down days are almost 50% of my days. I just want to feel happy.
I am going to give Jen a call tomorrow. Jen is Dr. Velez's assistant. See what they suggest doing, whether it involves adjusting my meds or our ECT schedule.
Well I was having a rough day, thankfully we were off to see Cara, my Dr. that handles my meds. After talking with her, we decided that the best idea for me, would be to head down to the University District ER to be mentally evaluated. They decided to admit me back into the Johnson Unit, I believe is was December 18th, 2012. I was in the JU this time around until January 8, 2013.
While being in the hospital, I was undergoing ECT treatments on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays each week. I was being transferred by ambulance from the UD to the RiverBend SPA. I would get to my room and the nurse would come to set up my IV. Then Dr. Velez would come in and ask us a series of questions and then take me back to the Endo Room where they do the ECT.
Once I'm back there I get this spiffy headband put on, that has some lube on the plates, where they touch my head... kind of by my temples. The Anesthiologist sets a mask over my face and has me take deep breaths of oxygen, in and out. Then they put something through the IV, the first one burns a bit. The second one they put in is the good stuff that will knock me out. I like this feeling. It sounds like a tunnel, like all the sounds from our room are just zoning in towards my ears, then I'm out cold.
I wake up in recovery and it isn't too much longer until they take me back out in to a room. I get a room that has a recliner chair in it. they bring a few warm blankets and also something to drink and snack on. Once all that is good to go, time for me to leave! The paramedics would show back up and I would climb over onto the stretcher and we were off. Loaded me up in the ambulance, headed back to UD.
That would happen M,W,F each week... it was a lot and it was exhausting. I did manage to lose a bit of memory which always kind of stinks.
Once I returned home it was some relief and some nervousness. I don't want to add pressure to my parents by making them feel like they have to be my nurses. It's really hard knowing that you're the one causing all this extra stress and anxiety to your family, but then there isn't really anything I can do to make it better that quickly.
Now I have finished my first Maintenance ECT, the next will be three weeks out, so Feb 18th. I am really afraid that these are being spread too thin for me right now. I just don't feel like I'm were I should be or could be. I know everyone has down days, but right now my down days are almost 50% of my days. I just want to feel happy.
I am going to give Jen a call tomorrow. Jen is Dr. Velez's assistant. See what they suggest doing, whether it involves adjusting my meds or our ECT schedule.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
December 17, 2012
I signed on to write a new blog and found this one, I don't think it got finished so it wasn't posted, but I decided to post it now...
It was January 2012, almost an entire year ago now, that I was hit head first with disabling bouts of panic attacks and depression. When I went to get help from my doctor, I thought I'd be better in a matter of a few weeks, maybe a couple months. I had no idea what was to still come.
I was put on an anti-depressant which I was hopeful would help but then I lost my job. I had been in that position for almost six months when I was let go. I loved my job. I was working with a group of people that I enjoyed. I was getting great reviews. I had just received my first raise. I had no warnings that I was at stake to lose my job, so needless to say, I was shocked when it happened. I was told by the people who called, that they care about me and want me to get better. How can you say something like that but take away someone's only income? Their health insurance? Hardly seems like someone who really cares. I thought this was rock bottom, things could only go up from here, right?
I had been working on getting myself better for almost seven months. I had been going to counseling weekly and increased the anti-depressants. I was working hard to keep the things closest to my heart in my life. No matter how hard I wanted things to work, nor how hard we tried, my relationship fell apart after almost two years. This man was so incredibly special to me, in fact he will always have a very special place in my heart. Hearing from people close to me those very dreadful words, it wasn't meant to be. Swallowing that was possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, so I thought.
At this point, I was frustrated. I was tired. I felt like I was losing everything. I lost hope. I gave up. I stopped taking my anti-depressant medication. It was only days or so after, I decided to take the entire bottle. I panicked and reached out, which ultimately saved my life. I was taken to the hospital, where I was treated for the overdose. I spent the next two and a half weeks in a psychiatric hospital under close observation. The doctor that was assigned to me decided to change my medication. He put me on a different type of anti-depressant. He also suggested ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) treatments. I was desperate for something to help get me out of this dark place, so I decided, with my families support, that I would give it a go.
It was January 2012, almost an entire year ago now, that I was hit head first with disabling bouts of panic attacks and depression. When I went to get help from my doctor, I thought I'd be better in a matter of a few weeks, maybe a couple months. I had no idea what was to still come.
I was put on an anti-depressant which I was hopeful would help but then I lost my job. I had been in that position for almost six months when I was let go. I loved my job. I was working with a group of people that I enjoyed. I was getting great reviews. I had just received my first raise. I had no warnings that I was at stake to lose my job, so needless to say, I was shocked when it happened. I was told by the people who called, that they care about me and want me to get better. How can you say something like that but take away someone's only income? Their health insurance? Hardly seems like someone who really cares. I thought this was rock bottom, things could only go up from here, right?
I had been working on getting myself better for almost seven months. I had been going to counseling weekly and increased the anti-depressants. I was working hard to keep the things closest to my heart in my life. No matter how hard I wanted things to work, nor how hard we tried, my relationship fell apart after almost two years. This man was so incredibly special to me, in fact he will always have a very special place in my heart. Hearing from people close to me those very dreadful words, it wasn't meant to be. Swallowing that was possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, so I thought.
At this point, I was frustrated. I was tired. I felt like I was losing everything. I lost hope. I gave up. I stopped taking my anti-depressant medication. It was only days or so after, I decided to take the entire bottle. I panicked and reached out, which ultimately saved my life. I was taken to the hospital, where I was treated for the overdose. I spent the next two and a half weeks in a psychiatric hospital under close observation. The doctor that was assigned to me decided to change my medication. He put me on a different type of anti-depressant. He also suggested ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) treatments. I was desperate for something to help get me out of this dark place, so I decided, with my families support, that I would give it a go.
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