Choices...

Have you ever felt like you had to make a decision that could make people question your choice? I feel like I made one of those big decisions tonight. I'm not sure what others will think... if they think I don't have a backbone, if they think I'm making a mistake, or if they think I'm settling. You know what? I am doing what is best for me, right here, right now. People can't and never will understand my entire situation and the people who care should support me and my decision. I am in a place where I can make good decisions on my own, not that I don't respect and thank everyone for their opinions and advice because I do. I just need people to understand that I made my decision based on my own personal wants and needs. I'm doing what is best for me and I am really hoping that things go well. I feel good about my choices and have faith things will only improve from here.

Life is a work in progress and my life is no exclusion.

changes in myself...

I'm not really sure what to write about tonight but I feel like I need to write. I've got some big things going on in life lately and I'm not sure what the future really holds for me anymore. I feel better than I've felt in a long time and I have a sense of confidence that has been missing in myself, but do these things come with a cost? I feel like I've changed so much and I look at things differently since earlier this year. My wants, needs and desires have changed. I'm not the same person that I was last year and I feel good about the new me, but does everyone? I feel like to some extent the old me is still here... I can still be super goofy and giggle my butt off, but I think in many ways I've matured a lot. I feel like nowadays I stand up for myself, my feelings and my beliefs. I think those close to me can see the good things that have come from everything, but I worry that my changing has complicated some relationships. I examine things more now and I confront things when things are going wrong. Problem is, sometimes confrontation doesn't always go as hoped. I have been disappointed from time to time. I can handle disappointment so much better than I used to, so I'm not being devastated by every mishap. I feel like I have my anxiety and depression under control, and have had it under control for some time now. With my growing and becoming a better, more confident me... I might lose some things or people that I truly love and hold close to me. I do believe that whatever happens is meant to be, but I like to be able to control things to some extent. I wish I could just shut my brain off at times. Just completely relax and not think about anything. Unfortunately, the way my brain is wired, it never stops. It's exhausting. I don't know that people really understand that. Even though I'm not working right now and don't have a ton going on... I still feel like I have a lot going on mentally and emotionally. I am still working on myself constantly. It's a daily process, and it always will be. Thank you to everyone who has been here for me through everything... it really does mean so much. I appreciate the support and knowing that I have people I can talk to about anything.