Washington - Day Two

This morning I woke up and kind of pondered over a conversation I had last night for a while before getting out of bed. Once I was up I lounged around for some time before Hannah took off to go to her doctor's appointment, for her follow-up on her knee. Once Hannah left, I gave my mom a call to talk to her about some things that were on my mind. *For those of you who don't know, or haven't read the previous couple blogs, I have some retro-grade amnesia and some short-term memory loss due to some traumatic experiences and the therapy I had been undergoing this past month.* I had asked my mom to more or less give me her opinion on some things involving Eric, which led to her being pretty defensive and protective. I had her explain why she felt this way, so she ended up going over everything that had happened from the day or two before I overdosed, through about the first week or so of being in the hospital.

For those of you who have never experienced memory loss, be very thankful. It is a very odd, confusing and frustrating experience. I have a solid two week time span in my life which I have no recollection of anything that happened. Hearing my mom tell me what went on, day by day, was like listening to her tell me a story about someone else's life. I mean, how could she be telling me all this but nothing sound familiar? I figured some of these memories, after someone reminded me of what went on, would come back in somewhat of an 'aha' moment. This hasn't happened. I don't know if my memory from those two weeks will ever return or if I will just have to go with what I've been told by those who were with me and what I journaled during those times. I talked to quite a few different friends today about how to handle this... do I try to talk to Eric so I can settle the unfinished business once and for all (even though this would mean Eric would be doing it for a third time because I don't remember the first two times)? Or do I just take what those who care about me most are telling me and what I have written down in my journals, accept those as my memories and just not think about the past? Just move forward from here?

I think the most clear answer came from my friend Jeremy. He told me to 'focus on what's happening now, not the past. To have a mind set to keep moving forward.' I think he's absolutely right. My mom, my sister, and a couple other friends said something similar and I believe they are all right. I don't know what good it's going to do me if I try to rebuild memories that caused me so much pain and anger. I don't see much positive coming from all that. So that's what I'm going to try to do... live for the present and my future... not for my past. I'm going to try my best to put this past month behind me and not let it take over how I move forward.

Back to being in Washington! Hannah and I laid out in the sun for a little while this afternoon. Had some fun playing with Charlie and the hose. He goes crazy trying to attack the water when you spray him. It's pretty entertaining really.

We came in and I actually cleaned up my room (the guest room). I was having some anxiety about living out of a suitcase, so I organized my stuff in neat stacks along the wall so I can see and get to things much easier. I put the suitcase in the corner of the room and am using it as my dirty hamper. I even made my bed today! Mom ~ you'd be so impressed! ;)

Hannah and I made a ground turkey meatloaf with some jalapenos in it for dinner. Hannah also made Mac & Cheese and grilled up some zucchini and asparagus. Paul joined us for dinner and a couple drinks. It was a fun night... good company! We even put my hair extensions on Dan... it was pretty freaky. It looked fairly real and once he started dancing around, you couldn't help but about die laughing.

Overall, I'd say day two has been a success. I'm looking forward to what the weekend brings. I know we are talking about heading to Seattle on Saturday, maybe catch a Mariners game and then go out. I haven't been to Seattle since I was in 8th grade, so I'm excited! Should be a fun weekend.