friendship

Friendships. They are fun. They can be ever so testing. Sometimes the bonds are broken and sometimes they are fixed. At times, you outgrow them. At times, maybe they outgrow you. It's not always easy, friendships can be tough. You invest in them emotionally and show vulnerability. There's always a risk that trust could be broken.

Over my many, 30 years of living... I've had my fair share of friendships. Few have lasted through it all. It's sad to think about the friendships that have come and gone but I'm thankful for what each has taught me. I think as long as you grow from each relationship, each friendship, then you aren't losing everything. It's not easy losing friends but there are also times where it becomes too easy. Distance has played a part in my friendships. I know now who my true friends are and I love them all dearly. I know that I will have them for the rest of my life. They've stuck by my side through thick and thin, through some of my really horrible, rock bottom times. They've all helped shape who I've become today.

For my 30th birthday, my sister had the idea to have people write down on index cards, why they love me. It was such a neat idea and whenever I feel alone, I can look at those cards and know that I'm not. I'm surrounded by people who know me and love me for who I am, good and bad. Most of my closest friends don't live anywhere near me. Since moving to Washington, I made the decision to leave behind a handful of very important people. Even though there's this distance between us, I know that nothing has changed. Sure, we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like but it doesn't change our friendship. We still make the time to catch up and make sure all is well with each other.

I think we grow the most from the time we graduate high school until we're about 23 or so. Don't get me wrong, I know we continue to grow throughout life, but I think that's the most noticeable time. We make a lot of choices at that age. You get to choose our lifestyle now that you're out on your own. You make decisions that can affect the rest of your life. You have relationships that thrive and relationships that fail. You learn so much from your mistakes and given none of us are perfect, we learn on a daily basis. I know I sure do.

Friendships can stray and get lost amongst the busy lifestyle we live. We must slow down and make the time for those who are most important to us because you never know when your last chance with them could be. Don't take friendships for granted. I've done so and I've lost incredible friends because of it. I got too comfortable, I was self-centered. I've tried my best to mend those friendships but they're never quite the same.

So make sure you're taking the time out of your busy life to remind those you love that they are important to you. Even if it's just a quick hello, it could brighten their day just to hear from you. Keep that communication open so if you do have problems, or a rough patch, you can work through it together.

beaching & BBQing

Woke up this morning and my roommate, Paityn, colored my hair for me. I love it. It's much darker than it was, which I really like. I'm excited for Sean to see it since his opinion of what to do with my hair was to go darker. He's just scared I'm going to cut it now. I keep reassuring him that I'm growing it out, that I want it long. I just wish it would grow faster!

Went to Titlow Beach today with Erin. Yes... that is really the name of the beach. Go ahead and laugh cause I sure did. It was nice to catch up with her. We hadn't hung out just the two of us in a long time so we were a little out of date with each others life's. It was a nice beach area although we didn't think to time the tide. We ended up going down there as the tide came in, which left little room of beach. We sat on the rocks and then eventually moved up to lay on the grass. It was a beautiful day so it was really nice.

After the beach, I took Erin home and came home to relax. I watched some of Orange is the New Black on Netflix until Erin and Kelly came over. I BBQ'd up some burgers and we hung out and watched some TV. They didn't stay too long, I'm guessing because it's a school night.

Now I'm just sitting here, pondering over what could be interesting to blog about tonight. I wish I could be like Carrie on Sex and the City or Dan, who's blog is Single Dad Laughing. I would even take being like Jenna on Awkward. I just like to write. I'm not even sure if anyone really reads these blogs anyway but I like documenting what is going on in my life. I will have it forever. Some day I'll be able to share with my children what I went through in my late 20's, early 30's.

Gosh, I'm 30. It has started to really sink in. For a while there it didn't really feel like I was actually 30. I felt like I should be 27ish. Now I feel good about being 30. Turning 30 for me was like turning over a new leaf. I was leaving my 20's behind me, gladly, and moving forward as a more confident, successful, happy me. I feel like things in my life are finally coming together rather than falling apart. It's a good feeling, although I know that I am a little scared of becoming too happy. I think it's because I don't want to set myself up on some high cloud and get knocked off. Does that make any sense? Who knows.

Well I suppose I should probably get some sleep. School is going to come bright and early tomorrow and my body isn't quite used to these 11 hour days yet again. Goodnight!

first day back

Today was my first day back to school and it went pretty darn good, although my feet are killing me! I had a handful of people ask me why I was on a Leave of Absence and I questioned whether or not to tell people why I was gone. I am not ashamed of the fact that I deal with anxiety, so I was honest. Everyone seemed to understand and didn't ask much more. Just wanted to make sure I was doing okay now and that they were happy to see me back. I even got a couple hugs from some of my favorite educators, which made me feel really good inside.

I wasn't sure how today was going to go. I knew the first half of the day was classroom time, so I didn't have much to worry about. The second half of the day, out on the floor, I kind of felt like a first timer again. I think the front desk had me marked as being gone this afternoon so I didn't get any guests, which I was okay with today. It gave me time to get my feet back into the swing of things and also time to do some mannequin work.

Miss Hailey was so excited to see me when I got home tonight. She was running around like a crazy dog on crack. It was really cute actually. I love when I come home and she's that excited and happy. Can't help but brighten your day. I think she got used to my schedule of being on LOA also. She got spoiled by a stay at home mommy for five weeks. She's so flexible though and adapts so well to change, so I don't worry about her transitioning back into my school schedule with me. She's my little trooper.

When I got home from school I made dinner for Sean and I. I didn't get home until about 7:30 so I told him on my school nights, it's either we eat out or we eat something very easy to make. Beginning to make dinner at 7:30-7:45 is tough. All I really want to do when I get home is kick back and relax but I got to eat something!

Well, it's getting late and tomorrow I have a couple things to do. One of which is coloring my hair! Can't wait to see how it turns out. Don't worry, I will share some photos when it's finished, in case you were worried! Goodnight blogger world.

I'm home.

Last time I wrote, my dating life had gone down the drain. About the time I gave up, I reconnected with someone I had previously talked to. I had moved closer to him once I had moved to Tacoma. He has become my best friend and my boyfriend. He's truly wonderful.

Things are improving up here. I was finally able to make it home for about a week for my birthday. It was really nice to get back to Eugene to catch up with friends and family. Upon returning to Washington, I felt kind of empty. I was questioning whether or not I was supposed to be up here or not. There are a lot of things I miss about Eugene but I still can't imagine being away from Abby. I am, however, dreading when Dan, Hannah and Abby go to San Diego for 4 months. Thankfully I have Sean.

I feel like I've found my home up here in Washington. I realized that this is my home but that there was just a little something extra that had been missing. My heart wasn't completely whole. I hadn't met this man whom I get to call mine, Sean. Shortly after meeting Sean, I knew he was exactly what I had always looked for in a man. Suddenly, there he was, right in front of me. My life had changed.

My heart skipped beats and felt whole. I was overwhelmed with a sense of comfort and nervousness. He makes me feel like I'm the best thing in this world and I didn't want to do anything that could potentially mess things up. The sense of comfort has never gone away but the nervousness did. When I'm with Sean, the world feels like it's stopped. I feel safe. I feel calm. It's truly an amazing feeling. I love him so much and can't imagine what life would be like if I hadn't of met him.

:)

Dating

What is dating?

For me, dating starts out with excitement, anticipation, and wonder. But after a month or two dating for me turns into heartache, tears and sleepless nights.

For anyone who knows me I tend to put a lot into dating, especially if I like the guy. Things go well for some time and I'm happy, thinking this could potentially turn into something really good.

Then I hit the one month mark, or in this last case, the two month mark. Things always tend to go south for me at this time. I'm not sure why. I wish someone could tell me what I'm doing wrong because there has to be something. They all tell me I'm a wonderful person, I'm pretty, smart and a great catch but that all means nothing when I'm being told that things aren't really working.

I am going to take a break from dating. A break from getting let down. Time to let my heart put the pieces back together.

To me, dating has not been easy. I've been let down by guys, specifically one, who I saw great potential with. Each time a guy tells me he's just not feeling it, my self confidence goes down the drain and my hope for finding the person I'm supposed to spend my life with diminishes just a little.

I'm almost 30 and I'm single. This is not how I envisioned my life going whatsoever. Honestly it really hurts me to stop and think about where I'm at in life when it comes to dating.

I just want to give someone all this love that I have to offer. I want to share my day and my excitement for things to come with someone. I have so much to give another person but nobody to give it to. :(

the new year...

It's 2014 and so far, this has been a great year for me! Seems like things are finally going my way. My luck may have changed for the better. I feel the best I've felt yet, I'm making great friends and meeting new people too! Life is great and I'm loving 2014 thus far!

By far the best thing that has happened to me this year was on January 24th at 12:07am. My beautiful niece, Abigail Grace, was born. My sister did an amazing job at bringing her into this world. Although, she helped confirm my decision of wanting an epidural. She was a trooper but boy did that look painful! Abigail was born weighing 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 21 inches long. She has been a perfectly healthy baby girl since. She's keeping Hannah up most nights but that's pretty much expected. I try to spend as much of my time with them as I can. Abigail can change so quickly and I want to be present for it all. I even got to be the first to babysit her while Hannah and Dan went out to dinner on Valentine's Day. I love my time with her. I just can't stop looking at her and kissing her cute little cheeks!

School has been going great! I begin to take guests on the floor on March 11th! It is so crazy how fast classes have flown by and how much I've learned. Seems like just a month ago that I started and I'm already four months in! I am still loving it, as I assumed I would. I'm really bonding with the girls in my class. The girls in my class are so wonderful! I really feel like we're family. I feel like I would go above and beyond to help pretty much anyone in class and I feel they'd do the same for me. It's such a great feeling to know you have the support of so many. Even better, I get to hang out with these girls three days a week! I feel very blessed.

I've been seeing a handsome guy and he's made my life just that much more exciting. He's thoughtful, kind, caring, funny and extremely good looking. I have so much fun when I'm with him. He's even gotten to meet mom, Dan, Hannah and Abby! They all approve. Hailey loves him possibly more than she loves me. He even brought Hailey a Valentine's Day present! How thoughtful is that?! Things are going great and I hope they continue to grow and only get better! I'll keep you all posted. :)

I'm going to wrap up this post with pictures of Abby cause she's too adorable not to share! :)